I Hated My Skinny Friend

I remember watching my friend Alice eat on our weekend away.  She weighed 130 lbs and didn’t gain an ounce of fat despite eating cake, chocolate, wine, lasagne or ice cream. 

I hated her a little bit that weekend.  

I hated watching her effortlessly glance at the menu without pulling out her calorie counter.  I hated watching her select outfits and feeling comfortable in ever pair of jeans she owned. I hated how little she talked about food and I hated her ability to enjoy her meals. 

Real meals.  With real bread.  Real butter. And even real coke.

I hated her for cracking the code that I couldn’t.  I hated that she had found the key to living while all I thought about was dieting.  I hated that she was naturally skinny and I was naturally exhausted from researching and trying and reading and crying. 

I hated her.  But…I envied her.  If I was honest with myself and honest with Alice then I wanted to be her.  I wanted the ease of her eating. The ease of her laugh. The ease of her life.

I wanted her instincts.  

“Instincts Leslie?” I can hear you ask. “What do you mean instincts?  Like how a bird knows to fly south for winter? Like an antelope know a cheetah is in the woods? THOSE type of instincts?”

Yes friend.  That is exactly what I am talking about.  Just like a bird is born knowing when to fly south, my friend Alice knew how to eat, what to eat, and how to stay thin.

See now, I bet you hate my friend Alice too.  LOL! 

Being thin, healthy, and beautiful is an instinct. An instinct I had to learn. 

On the flip side, being overweight, unhealthy, and vulnerable is also an instinct. An instinct I had to unlearn. 

But birds don’t overthink where to fly and antelopes don’t overthink where to run.  They KNOW. Alice KNEW. Skinny people KNOW.  

Friend, for you to be skinny YOU have to know.  You have to learn what you need to know. Because my guess is you have lost weight before.  You have been on the yo yo of dieting for years. And my guess is even when you lose weight you STILL struggle, you STILL obsess with how to keep it off, you STILL obsess with thoughts of your weight, you STILL secretly hate social events with all their yummy temptations, you STILL crave sugar and things that make you ill, you STILL have GUILT, ANXIETY, and UNEASINESS. You are STILL unhappy.

You are STILL insecure despite what the scale has told you. Because being skinny isn’t a number…it’s a state of being — both physically and emotionally. 

When my recent client Kerry — a decade-long dieter before we worked together — eats a cake now, she feels totally care-free about it and enjoys it over light-hearted talks and laughter with her sister on the Californian beach. She pairs it with a glass of margarita and just be fully present in that moment. And after a week of fun time and delicious meals, she gets up with the same 140-pound body (after losing those 35 pounds without stress). 

The picture is clear: without learning the right instincts you will struggle with weight.  Just like Kerry used to. Because your battle isn’t with the scale…it is with yourself. 

It is time to stop the battle lovely. 
It is time to feel beautiful. 
It is time to feel free from cravings.
It is time to stop thinking about food and start thinking about life.
It is time to forget what the scale says, but never forget what you heart says. 
It is time to focus on the beauty of the sunrise rather than the calorie count in a serving of coffee creamer. 
It is time to think of how to wow your boss rather than wondering if your boss thinks you’re fat. 
It is time to spend your energy on starting your business rather than starting another eating plan. 
It is time to start spending your Saturdays on dates rather than on diets.

Unfortunately, a focus on food is really a focus on fear.  The end result? As I’ve seen among nearly a thousand women I’ve spoken with: vulnerability, suppression, and disappointment on every level — after millions of times when they could’ve enjoyed fun, beauty, attention, romance, sex, and success but ended up avoiding, hiding, and fearing them.

If you’ve been learning to diet for 15 years, my friend, you’ve spent 15 years building the wrong set of instincts, the wrong body, the wrong life, and the wrong self.

However, once you’ve developed the right instincts, all you need to do really is to….as simple as it sounds: let it cruise.

Yes, “let it cruise” has been a mantra among my clients who have achieved sizable and long-lasting results no matter how difficult they thought it was to get rid of the belly rolls. This includes the 50 year-old women who thought menopause made weight loss impossible, 40 year olds thinking they have a “genetic” issue, and 30 year-olds who are so busy with their career and life but have never felt enough because of their body.

When you hear it for the first time, It’s hard to believe that you can lose weight in such a stress-free, enjoyable way. But think about your experience when driving a car: it’s a 2-3 ton machine, and you could be driving as fast as 55 miles per hour. However, the experience, when all the car’s parts are seamlessly working together, is so effortless and breezy. 

You don’t see the running engine. You don’t even feel the motion. And the next thing you know — you are home.

Actually, your body is supposed to be like this when working FOR you, which makes the REAL weight loss the same. And for my clients, the end result of activating a full set of healthy instincts never stops at those 30, 40, 50 pounds lost effortlessly. 

It goes way beyond. Weeks later, they realize they are laughing more, eating more, enjoying more, and loving (themselves and others) more. They truly become more. Fears and anxiety are gone. 

This is why these beautiful women I served can be on a vacation with all the great foods while still losing weight.  That is how these beautiful women LEARN to become like Alice. And it is also how they learn to fall in love with themselves.

At that point it’s no longer a ‘willpower game’ when you’ve developed the right instincts that are carrying you for long. 

So I’m writing to you about this assuming that you are somebody who doesn’t want to be a dieter but a truly healthy, free, and beautiful person. 

And I invite you to come talk to me when you are ready for getting unstuck and removing these 30,40,50 pounds from your life — once and for all. 

BUT WAIT! Before you hit that link above, ask yourself the following questions first: 

What makes the change so important to me right now and why not keep things where they are?

Where am I going to be a year from now if I don’t fix my body? (Remember while progress isn’t automatic, changes are.)

Am I committed to being healthy, skinny, happy or am I just interested in the thought of it? (Hint: the interested people do what’s convenient, the committed do anything it takes.)

To make it clear, this conversation which I call Breakthrough Conversation isn’t for people who are not yet committed to making a breakthrough in their body and life. I help women maximize their life only when they are serious about it. And I don’t see a reason why you shouldn’t be serious unless you’ve already lost faith in yourself! 

To everyone I’ve spoken to, this conversation has been the most genuine one she has had about real transformation and self-care. It’s a human-to-human talk, designed to find truth and clarity. 

If you trust yourself and are committed to changing for good, come and have a talk


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